


I'll Never Be Alright (So I'm Breaking the Habit)

by actuallyitscaptain, Purple_ducky00



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, I did too, M/M, POV Bucky Barnes, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), steve rogers friendly, tony fans may want to kill Bucky at first and that is a ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:41:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 13,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27937407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actuallyitscaptain/pseuds/actuallyitscaptain, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Purple_ducky00/pseuds/Purple_ducky00
Summary: Bucky Barnes gets an official pardon with the chance to fix his mind. He accepts, but he's highly suspicious of Tony Stark. Will Tony change his mind?
Relationships: Carol Danvers/James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Happy Hogan/Pepper Potts, James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 19
Kudos: 101
Collections: Avengers Collection, Bucky Barnes Bingo 2020, Marvel Big Bang 2020, StarkBucksBingo2020, Tony Stark Bingo Mark IV





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you Mei for the beta work!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky is given a pardon and a chance to get help in America

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: I’ll Never Be Alright (So I’m Breaking the Habit)  
> Creator: Purple_ducky00  
> Rating: Mature  
> Warnings: Canon Typical Violence  
> Pair: Bucky/Tony eventually  
> Major Tags: Tony fans may want to physically harm Bucky at first  
> Bingo Squares: U4 - Exile - Bucky Barnes Bingo  
> Summary: Bucky is given a pardon and a chance to get help in America  
> Word Count: 800 words  
> Link:

“Bucky, you can go back!” Steve’s face lights up. “Tony is going to help you.”

“Yeah, of course, the man whose parents I killed and who blew off my arm is going to help me. Sure.” Bucky deadpans. 

Steve’s face falls. “Come on Bucky. Tony’s not like that. He rarely ever holds a grudge. He’s good like that.”

“I just don’t see how this is good.” Bucky crosses his arms. “What, you heard this over the grapevine and now you want me to just blindly run to Stark like a stupid child? I don’t think so.”

“He’s going to send over paperwork. You don’t have to go, but I suggest looking it over. Tony has a lot of great technology at his fingertips that could help you.” Natalia puts her opinion in the pot.

The smile Bucky sends her is sharp and cold. “So did HYDRA. Didn’t work out so well for me then, did it?” Steve pales. He opens his mouth to speak when there’s a knock on Bucky’s door. “Hey, Shuri’s probably here to herd me into another one of her pranks. I’ll talk to you later, eh Stevie?” Steve nods, and Bucky waves away the hologram, ending the call. 

Shuri is not at the door. T’Challa is accompanied by Okoye and Ayo. “James.” The king greets him. “How are you?”

Bucky shrugs. “I’m doing well. I guess you’re here to tell me about Stark?”

“Well, yes. And your pardon.”

“My what?” Bucky raises his eyebrows. Steve did not mention a pardon.

T’Challa nods. “Yes. You are hereby pardoned of any crimes committed while affiliated with HYDRA and in Austria with the warning that any future crimes will not be treated with such leniency.”

“So, what’s the catch?”

“There’s no catch. Mr. Stark made sure of that.” The king leans against Bucky’s counter. “You seem… suspicious.”

“No offense, but you aren’t? I kill Stark’s parents and almost kill him in Siberia, and now he gets me pardoned? You don’t see anything fishy here?”

T’Challa raises a hand. “I understand your concern, but I worked very closely with Mr. Stark on these accords and papers. He seems to have no ulterior motive. However, the choice is up to you whether to return to America. I do suggest you read everything over to assure yourself.” He hands Bucky a tablet. “If you would like, I can have one of my lawyers sit down with you and explain anything you don’t understand.”

“I would appreciate that, thank you.” Bucky takes the tablet gingerly. He’s going to read his heart out. Not that he wouldn’t love to get the rest of the HYDRA shit out of his head, but he doesn’t want to walk right into another trap. Stark is certainly rich enough to pay off anyone who might blow the whistle on him. Bucky might just be setting himself up for another life of imprisonment and whatever punishments Stark might concoct.

After Bucky read the whole file over several times and highlighted what he didn’t know, T’Challa’s head lawyer, a tall, broad woman named Isdah Tune, sits down with him and explains all the nuances. She points out where loopholes could be taken. “I think that this as a whole is a good deal. You won’t be taken advantage of – Mr. Stark and King T’Challa have made sure of that.” She advises him. 

Bucky still isn’t sure, and he expresses his fears to Shuri. She gives him a look. “Do you think Tony Stark, Ironman, will put you in prison and torture you? Don’t you think he has a busy enough schedule already?”

“Then why did he go through all of this?” Bucky motions to the tablet.

Shuri holds up a finger. “Wait. Hold on. ‘This’” She gestures to the tablet as well. “Is another reason why you shouldn’t think that. If Tony Stark wanted to torture you, why would he go through the trouble to make your pardon and rights as airtight as he did? Hmm? Also, why would he ask me to help him make you an arm? Why would he offer his super expensive BARF technology for you to use?”

“Ok ok. I get it.” Bucky raises his hands in surrender. “But… what if I just don’t want to go?”

“Then don’t go. But seriously, if the only reason you’re not going is because you think Stark is shady? You need to get over yourself.” Shuri flicks his nose like an annoying little sister. 

He wrinkles his nose. “Thanks for that. I’ll think about it.”

After a month’s contemplation, Bucky decides to take Stark up on his deal. Shuri installs his arm, telling him that she put a panic button in his arm if he gets mistreated. She and the Doras will come to his rescue immediately. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky arrives at the Tower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: I’ll Never Be Alright (So I’m Breaking the Habit)  
> Creator: Purple_ducky00  
> Rating: Mature  
> Warnings: Canon Typical Violence  
> Pair: Bucky/Tony eventually  
> Major Tags: Tony fans may want to physically harm Bucky at first  
> Bingo Squares: S5 - Image: DUME - Tony Stark Bingo and G4 - Prosthetics - Starkbucks bingo  
> Card Number: 4013  
> Summary: Bucky arrives at the Tower  
> Word Count: 1549 words  
> Link:

Two days later, Bucky steps off the Wakandan jet on the Avengers Tower helipad. An agent, not Stark, is there to welcome him. Bucky wonders why he thought Stark would be there.

The tall brunette walks up to Bucky. “Hi, I’m Angela Vasquez. I’ll be your Accords main point of contact. I will check up with you weekly to see how you’re coming along. One of the stipulations of your pardon is that you see a therapist in addition to Mr. Stark’s technology. Were you aware of this?”

“I was. I made sure to read the whole package Mr. Stark sent. I agree to the terms.”

“Good! Then read this over and sign here, and I can get you settled in.” Ms. Vasquez hands him a document. He reads the words carefully and, finding everything acceptable, signs the paper. Vasquez places the document into a scanner and reaches out to shake his hand. “Welcome back to America, Mr. Barnes.”

She leads him to an aircraft hangar where an Avengers’ quinjet is waiting. When they both board, the jet lifts off and flies them to the tower. Vasquez keeps up a steady stream of soliloquy as she walks him down the halls and to the elevator. “So, I’m going to take you to your room. In it you should find your basic necessities. Mr. Stark has provided a VISA card for you to make any purchases you would like. His AI will screen your purchases, but as long as they are not deemed harmful to other Tower occupants, they will not be blocked.”

_Already trying to control every aspect under the guise of ‘you can do what you want – we just need to make sure you won’t hurt anyone.’_ Bucky thinks derisively. Typical. _I don’t understand what Steve sees in this guy._

“Here is your room,” Ms. Vasquez opens the door, and Bucky’s eyes widen. It’s more like a suite. “If you want to leave your belongings here, I will give you a quick tour throughout the tower and then bring you back here. How does that sound?”

“Thank you, Ms. Vasquez. I appreciate it,” he says. 

“Please, call me Angela. You make me sound like an old librarian.” Angela laughs. “I’ll have to admit, the first time I came here, I was totally overwhelmed. But once you stick around a few times, it seems like the best place in the world. I do hope you like it here.” They get back on the elevator. Stopping on floor 53, she walks out, telling him, “Everyone who lives here has their own floor, and then there are communal floors. 53, 54, and 55 are the main ones, which include a living room, a large kitchen, a gym, a spa room, and a theatre. Mr. Stark was very big on group activities before the so-called Civil War and uh, Ultron.” She sighs. “They don’t get used much these days.”

There is a kid around the age of seventeen lying on one of the couches in the living room. He barely looks up when they walk in. “What’s up Angie?” He asks.

“Hey Harley. Sergeant Barnes is here now. I’m just showing him around the tower.”

Harley looks up from his phone again and looks Bucky up and down. “’Sup,” he says, giving a two-fingered salute. Bucky nods in return. He’s not sure if this kid is like Shuri or not.

“Who’s he?” Bucky asks as they leave the room.

“Some kid who helped Tony a few years back. Harley Keener? I think his name is. His mom had been struggling to get a job, so Tony invited them to live here and helped her get a job here in New York. I don’t know the full story. He’s been here longer than I. So, here’s the kitchen. Tony did not cut corners on the appliances. He doesn’t cook often, but Colonel Rhodes does, and I hear Thor likes to cook for an army. If you like preparing meals or food at all, you’re in for a treat.”

Angela leads him through the communal rooms, keeping a steady stream of monologue. “Well, that’s everything you have access to except for Tony’s shop. Come with me.” The elevator doors open, and Angela clicks on the 73rd floor. Bucky feels himself going up. He really hates elevators. “I’ve only been there once or twice, and the whole thing amazes me.” She falls silent for a few seconds, then asks, “How are you holding up?”

Bucky plasters on a smile and says, “I’m doing fine. Thank you.”

Sixty-eight, sixty-nine, seventy, seventy-one, seventy-two, seventy-three… As the numbers count up, Bucky wonders what Tony’s shop will look like. Will it remind him of the painful, unfeeling labs of HYDRA, or will he be drawn back into the bright and clean shops of Wakanda? 

As the elevator doors open, however, Bucky is surprised to find that the answer is neither. Tony’s shop is the whole floor. There are counters and shelves just filled with clutter. Two robots are moving across the floor with no task in mind, and the third one is just whirling in circles, beeping shrilly. Holographic screens are pulled up everywhere, and a voice in the ceiling welcomes them. Bucky’s eyes scan the room once more, and only then does he see Stark sitting on a couch behind an old Roadster. Colonel Rhodes is laying beside him, his head in Stark’s lap. They seem to be… sleeping? How could anyone sleep in a room that’s so alive?

A robot rolls up to Angela and him quickly and skids to a stop inches before hitting them. It holds out its hand. Angela laughs, “Hi U. This is Sergeant Barnes. He’s going to be visiting Tony a lot for the near future. Sergeant, this is U.”

Bucky shakes the robot’s claw and watches in wonder as a different one rolls up behind Stark and sticks its appendage down the back of his shirt. To Bucky’s amusement, Stark wakes up with a screech. “I swear, DUME, I’m going to sell you to the elementary school. You won’t like it very much when those little gremlins get ahold of you.”

“Hi Tony!” Angela calls. 

The man stiffens. Gently waking up Rhodes so that he can move out from under him, Tony stands and turns to the two newcomers. “Hi Angie. Hello Barnes. Welcome to Casa de Stark.”

“Hi,” Bucky says. 

“So, Tony, I just got done giving the sergeant the nickel tour. Sergeant Barnes, do you want me to return you to your room, or do you want to stay here?” Angela asks. 

“I’ll… stay here for a little bit if that’s ok with Stark.” Bucky spares a glance in the man’s direction. Stark nods. “Also, Angela.” He winks. “Call me Bucky.”

She giggles. “Ok… Bucky. Last thing, when you get back to your room, there’s a Starkpad on your nightstand. On it, there’s a calendar programmed with your scheduled appointments: either with me, your therapists, or with BARF. If you ever need to reschedule a meeting, request FRIDAY – the voice in the ceiling – and she can help you with everything. Ok bye!” She waves and hops back on the elevator.

When the doors close behind her, Bucky turns back to Tony. They stand awkwardly, staring at each other until Tony says. “I see you’ve got a new arm. Sorry for blowing off the other.”

Bucky snorts. “Yea whatever. This one’s better anyway.” 

“Yea, Shuri’s amazing, isn’t she?” Tony’s eyes sparkle. “Anyways, I apologize for everything. Let me know if there’s anything I can do for you.”

Bucky wants to make a smart comment, but he can see Colonel Rhodes glaring daggers at him. He goes for a sarcastic salute instead. “Sure. Will do. I’m going to go up to my room, kay?” He doesn’t wait for Stark to reply, walking out the doors of the workshop. 

Sitting on his bed, he surveys his room. The furnishings are nice, but there’s not much decoration. On his nightstand, there is a tablet and a folded piece of paper. He picks the paper up, and a credit card falls out. Barnes, the paper reads, use this card for anything you want or need. Yours, Tony. Bucky scoffs. Tony Stark is giving him a credit card? Shit, how deep does this man’s guilt go? He must have a lot of it. Well, he’ll use it, if that’s what Stark wants. In the back of his mind, he wonders if he’ll get cut off if he starts ordering suspicious weapons. 

Dropping the credit card in a drawer, he opens the tablet. On the calendar, there is a weekly schedule for therapist meetings, BARF meetings, and even movie nights with optional in parentheses. Bucky raises a brow. Wow. Team building exercises and everything. Stark really likes to be in control. 

He flips through different news reports and blogs, catching up on the times. Bucky digs deeper into the public’s opinions about his return. Most people seem to agree with the Council’s decision, but those that don’t argue that the only thing this proved is that Tony can just throw his money around to get what he wants. Bucky is inclined to agree. Fuck the rich, he reads and nods. A great sentiment.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky goes to therapy and also makes a few enemies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: I’ll Never Be Alright (So I’m Breaking the Habit)  
> Creator: Purple_ducky00  
> Rating: Mature  
> Warnings: Canon Typical Violence  
> Pair: Bucky/Tony eventually  
> Major Tags: Tony fans may want to physically harm Bucky at first  
> Bingo Squares: C1 - Therapy Bucky Barnes Bingo  
> Summary: Let’s just say that Bucky’s opinion of Tony doesn’t get much better here  
> Word Count: 766 words  
> Link:

Bucky spends most of his time in his room or in the gym. He meets Peter, whom he immediately recognizes as the Spiderkid from Germany. Honestly, fuck Stark for taking a 14-year-old kid to Germany to fight Captain America. The kid seems enamored with Bucky, and slowly he starts to welcome the enthusiasm. He’s much more enjoyable to talk to than that emo kid, Keener. Bucky doesn’t know what he did, but the kid has got it in for him. 

Avery Reynolds is his therapist. Bucky likes them from the get-go. They don’t pander to Stark, and they treat his opinions as worthwhile. BARF sessions, however, are a different story. Stark seems antsy; almost as if he doesn’t know what to say. He explains the effects of the use of BARF and how it should be used. Bucky has to give him credit; Stark tells him that he doesn’t have to take these sessions if they hurt too much. Bucky nods through Stark's ramblings and assures he wants to proceed with the sessions.

Instead of hopping right to the painful memories, Stark tells him to focus on a happy memory. He remembers Steve’s sixteenth birthday. He and Sarah had saved enough pocket change to buy Steve a new pair of shoes. His heart swells at the pure joy on Steve’s face when he tore apart the brown paper. Steve wrapped his bony arms around Bucky’s neck. “Thank you.” The smaller boy had said. “You’re the best pal a guy could hope for, Buck.” Sometimes Bucky misses this Steve.

Stark congratulates him on a successful session, and they set a time for the next one. “I’m going to ease you into the painful memories.” Stark tells him. “If we get some good ones recorded, we can always play one of them back after a hard session. It works for me.” 

Bucky just rolls his eyes. Really, how many painful memories can the second-richest man in the world have? Not many, one would think. 

For the first few months of getting himself accustomed to living in the compound, Bucky keeps his mouth shut. He wants to speak up a couple times when he thinks Stark is being ridiculous about something minor, but he’s not comfortable yet. Some day, he will. Hopefully it knocks some sense into the billionaire’s brain. His silence doesn’t stop Rhodes and Keener from glaring at him, though. 

Rhodes pulls him aside one day and tells him. “I’m not sure if you know this, but Tony himself worked with the council to make sure you were pardoned with little to no repercussions because he's a better man than me. Why don’t you stop treating him like he’s the devil incarnate, hm?” 

_ So, he’s doing this to get back in the public’s graces. _ Bucky surmises. He opens his mouth to retort, but Stark overhears them when he’s passing by. “Rhodey, I know you want to be the super-scary Colonel.” He pats Rhodes on the back. “But I’m a big boy. I can defend myself.” Then Stark walks off. Bucky motions at the genius with a saccharine smile on his face. 

“Arf arf, guard dog.” He winks. Rhodes rolls his eyes, but he wheels away in his wheelchair. 

Rhodes backs off a little after Stark reprimands him, but this adds fuel to Keener’s fire. Programming FRIDAY to keep Bucky’s showers a touch colder than lukewarm, cold enough to be super uncomfortable, but not cold enough to trigger him. Bucky has been the victim of several glitter bombs and a hot sauce shower. Stark did ask the kid to back off, but Keener would only smile sweetly and nod to Stark, then turn around and dump a salt shaker into Bucky's cereal. Bucky is not amused.

Bucky comes down for breakfast one morning to find Keener sitting at the table. “You know,” the teenager says casually, “based on research on the Supersoldier Serum, cyanide won’t kill you. You’ll just get stomach pains so bad you’ll wish you were dead.” Looking Bucky dead in the eyes, he grins sharply. “You might not want to eat anything around me anytime soon.” Harley gets up and walks out the door. Bucky pales. This kid’s a psychopath.

“What did he say this time?” Stark’s voice comes from behind him.

“Ah, he threatened to poison me with cyanide.” Bucky turns to Tony. “You should really be worried about the people you house here.”

Sighing, To- _ Stark _ sticks his hands in his pockets. “I’ll talk to him. He’s only doing it to get in your head, though.”

“We’ll see when I’m dead from cyanide poisoning.” Bucky retorts. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can we appreciate Harley Keener please?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky meets more of the local heroes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: I’ll Never Be Alright (So I’m Breaking the Habit)  
> Creator: Purple_ducky00  
> Rating: Mature  
> Warnings: Canon Typical Violence  
> Pair: Bucky/Tony eventually  
> Major Tags: Tony fans may want to physically harm Bucky at first  
> Bingo Fills: B3 - Anxiety Starkbucks Bingo  
> Summary: Bucky meets more of the local heroes   
> Word Count: 851 words  
> Link:

BARF sessions are getting more harrowing. Stark has him reliving some of HYDRA’s worst tortures now. He leaves the workshop sweating and shaking. When Stark offers him some help, Bucky brushes the billionaire off. What does Stark know about PTSD anyways? 

Bucky meets some of the new Avengers. Rhodey’s girlfriend, Carol, is very powerful, but of course the Colonel has jaded her view of Bucky. Ms. Marvel is a young girl, and Bucky wonders what Tony is doing, recruiting these teenagers to fight. Although she would prefer not to fight, Bruce Banner’s cousin, Jenifer Walters, is around. She and Carol are good friends. She acts more civilly towards him then some, but she also has a soft spot for Tony. Bucky feels like everyone in the compound is against him. He never did stop to wonder, however, if maybe he was the problem.

~

Pepper Potts scares him. She’s a competent woman, and she knows what she wants. Much like Natalia, but Ms. Potts seems less lethal. Those who underestimate her, however, are sure to feel the heat of her wrath. She is fiercely protective of Tony, so Bucky steers clear of her.

Her fiancé, Happy Hogan, used to be Tony’s bodyguard. The only person he is more loyal to is his soon-to-be wife. He often has a scowl on his face, and Bucky isn’t sure if it's a permanent thing or aimed solely at him.

Pepper talks to Bucky only a few times. The first time is to have him sign NDA papers and warn him against hurting Tony. He doesn’t doubt the consequences with which she threatens him. 

Bucky watches them interact with Stark and Rhodes. Pepper is very touchy with Stark, is always rubbing his back or running her fingers through his hair. Is this something that Stark requires? Is Happy forced to watch his fiancée touch up her ex unable to say anything because he used to work for the billionaire? That’s wrong on all levels. 

When he mentions something to Steve next time he calls the blond, Steve shakes his head and tells him that Tony would never do that. Bucky wonders how Stark has pulled the wool over so many people’s eyes. It must be the money. It hurts to think that Stevie would be swayed so badly by money, especially after the way they grew up. Everyone has a price, he guesses.

~

The next group of people he meets are the so-called Defenders. They patrol the streets of New York, mainly Manhattan. Jessica Jones is a PI with super strength. She’s weirdly loyal to Tony, and she won’t hesitate to call someone out when they need it. Luke Cage is a large black man who is also extremely strong and has bulletproof skin. He lives in Harlem and mainly stays in his zone. Danny Rand is the son of a billionaire. He’s not around as much as the others as he has a certain path he has vowed to take. Matt Murdock is a blind lawyer who trained his other five senses to help him see. Trained in martial arts, Matt defends the streets of Hell’s Kitchen from evil. 

As prickly as Jones is, she is the first one of them to reach out. She wants a drinking buddy, and Bucky likes to drink. She tells him she doesn’t understand why he dislikes Stark so much, but as long as he doesn’t spew it, he’s free to his own opinion. 

Luke tends to mind his own business. He and Jessica used to date, or whatever, so they don’t spend much time together other than superhero business. When he’s around, he and Rhodes often have something going on. 

Bucky doesn’t know how to feel about Murdock. The man can read his heartbeat, and that skeeves the ex-assassin out. After a few conversations, however, Matt wins him over. Bucky is soon introduced to Matt’s best friends, Foggy and Karen, and his girlfriend, Elektra. Bucky likes Elektra; she’s deadly with both her fighting styles and her words. He can see why Matt loves her.

~ 

“You know they weren’t your instructions!” Stark growls at Ironheart. 

The girl rolls her eyes. “Seriously, it’s not like I broke a bone or anything.” 

“But you could have.” Stark snaps. “Then what will you do? What happens if you die? Hmm? What am I supposed to do?” His voice is rising by the syllable.

Bucky is fed up with the condescending way Stark is talking to the kids. He’s not their parent, and he’s the reason they’re in this position at all. He wants to say something, but he figures it’s not worth it. So, he walks away, back to his room. Had he stayed any longer, he’d have heard Stark’s voice break. 

“RiRi, just be careful out there. I’d never forgive myself if something really bad happened to you.”

RiRi carefully wraps injured arm around his neck. “You are only making me safer. Without you, I’d be flying willy-nilly into battle. If I get hurt, it’s my fault, not yours.”

“You are pretty reckless. You’ll give Rhodey an aneurism, honestly.” Tony grumbles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's ok to send Bucky some hate mail here. He's being a dick.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky gets beat up, and his opinion might start to change...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 5  
> Title: I’ll Never Be Alright (So I’m Breaking the Habit)  
> Creator: Purple_ducky00  
> Rating: Mature  
> Warnings: Canon Typical Violence  
> Pair: Bucky/Tony eventually  
> Major Tags: Tony fans may want to physically harm Bucky at first  
> Summary: Bucky gets beat up, and his opinion might start to change...  
> Word Count: 1538 words  
> Link:

Bucky is having a really crappy day. A terribly, crappy day. His BARF session had ended with him in tears and in a bad headspace. He can’t eat, he can’t sit still, he can’t focus on anything. His body is wired for any signs of aggression, and he’s afraid he will snap at the slightest thing. Bucky usually joins in on team dinners and movie nights, but tonight, he doesn’t think he’ll be able to. 

Peter and Kamala call him a couple of times, but he does not answer. Bucky locks his door in case someone coming in triggers him. He gets that people are worried about him, but he just… can’t… talk.

There’s a knock on his door. “Hey Barnes? It’s Tony.” The genius’s voice filters through the door. “I know you had a hard day today, and I was just wondering if you wanted to come down for dinner.”

Bucky opens the door. “No, I’m not feeling too well. I think I’ll stay here for the night.”

Stark looks at him sympathetically. Bucky wants to punch him. What does he know about how Bucky is feeling? “Ok, no problem. Let me know if you need anything.” Stark smiles and turns on his heel.

Lying on his bed, Bucky turns on music to block out the voices in his head. He doesn’t want to feel right now, and maybe the loud music in his ears will help. Slowly, he drifts off to sleep. The next morning, he wakes up still feeling horrible. Forcing himself out of bed, he stretches and moves out to the couch in the communal living room. He curls himself into the corner of the couch and tries to look as small as possible. 

People make their way through the living room to the kitchen, all saying their good mornings. Bucky ignores them. He doesn’t want to talk right now. Stark is one of the last ones to come through, and when he sees Bucky there, he asks. “Hey, good morning Barnes? Rough night?”

Bucky grunts, and Stark grimaces. “Yeah, it’s like that sometimes. If you ever want to commiserate about it, the workshop’s open.”

Who the hell does Stark think he is? Bucky snaps. “What the hell would you know?” He demands. “Cushy little life, swimming in your billions of dollars. Oh no, Stevie hurt your feelings because he didn’t like it when someone tries to control him. So, you have a little tantrum and try to kill me. And you have PTSD now because you had to fight golden boy Captain America? Get the fuck out of here with that. If you really cared about people with PTSD, you wouldn’t be sending fucking teenagers out into battle. But nah, they have to because it’s their duty. So, thanks but no thanks, I don’t think I want to commiserate about PTSD to you. Shame on you, Stark. Shame on you.” He growls and storms out. 

Rhodes finds him an hour later. “Barnes. You. Me. In the gym. How about we talk this out? The fun way.”

“You want me to kick your ass? Great. Sounds fun. I’m tired of hearing you bitch about how I don’t treat your little loverboy or whatever right.” He grins, showing all his teeth. Maybe he can take care of Rhodes and Keener’s bullshit once and for all. “Right now?”

“Right now.” 

Bucky follows Rhodes down to Rhodes’ private gym where Keener was sitting in a chair. “Oh, you got him to come. Lovely.” Keener claps his hands sarcastically. 

“Yes.” Rhodes nods shortly. “Here’s the rules. A fair fight. You’ve got the metal arm; I’ve got the suit. First one to KO or tap-out loses.”

“I used to box before the war. I think I’ve got it.”

Keener blows the whistle and the two men fight. Rhodes is good at piloting the suit, Bucky realizes. He gives as good as he gets, but he knows he’s quickly losing to the Colonel. He slips and the last thing he sees is an armored fist two inches from his face. Bucky wakes up later in medical, eyesight unfocused. He blinks and rubs his eyes, seeing nothing but a stark white wall. 

“You’re awake.” A voice says, and Bucky groans. It’s that little shit Keener. “Rhodey really got you good; how are you feeling?”

“My head hurts.” Bucky grits out. “Now, can you at least leave me to heal here without you gloating?”

Keener sits up straight and moves himself into Bucky’s view. “I’m not here to gloat. I’m here to explain something to you. I noticed something you said when you blew up at Tony. You may not be… informed quite right. Do you know how Tony became Iron Man?”

“I know HYDRA briefed me on it, but I don’t quite remember.” Bucky rubs his forehead. “But do I need his whole history? I don’t really care about it.”

“No, this matters because you keep saying stuff that makes you sound ignorant. Also, you’re stuck in this bed until the doctor releases you, and I might have snuck her a twenty.” Keener smirks. Bucky would roll his eyes, but it would be too painful. “Tony didn’t have a soft, cushy life. Yeah, the money probably made it better, but his life wasn’t sunshine and rainbows. First, his dad ignored him most of his life. The only times he didn’t ignore him, he abused him either physically or mentally. You know, a fun parent.” Keener’s voice grows sharp. “But I understand, daddy issues aren’t impressive to you, so we’ll keep going. His godfather had him groomed to be the CEO after you killed Howard, all the while double-dealing under the table, making Tony the scapegoat in case anyone found out. Then, he paid to have Tony killed. Yeah, that’s what happened in Afghanistan. The convoy that he was in blew up, but they were supposed to kill Tony. When they realized Stane paid them a small amount to kill Tony Stark, weapons mogul, they kidnapped him and tortured him into complying to make them weapons. Instead of making the weapons, of course, he made the first Iron Man suit. Also, the arc reactor? The first one was installed inside his chest in that cave.” 

“I thought he made it.” Bucky interjects. 

Keener glares at him. “Shut up and listen, thank you. He did. They had to perform basically open heart surgery on him while he was awake.” Bucky gulps. He knows a little about being awake for surgery. “Yeah, that’s not very fun, is it?” Keener picks up on the gulp. “He woke up again with a fucking car battery attached to his chest. He then improvised by making an arc reactor. To make matters more traumatic, the only one who helped him, the guy who was a prisoner as well, gave up his life to make sure Tony got out. So, you know, that whole experience is a butt-load of PTSD. Now, do you have grounds to tell him that he doesn’t know anything about what you’re going through?” 

Bucky shakes his head. He opens his mouth to say something, but Keener continues. “Also, he met your bestest friend, and you know what? Steve Rogers told him he didn’t measure up. Then Tony saved the world by flying a nuke into a portal in space. He almost didn’t make it back. Oh, and then his house got attacked, yeah? And he couldn’t save Pepper. Luckily, she lived but he thought she died. Oh, and then that bitch witch Wanda got inside his head and made him see his worst fear. That was sure a wonderful time for Tony. Then Ultron, which he’ll say is his fault. I don’t know enough about it. Then Rhodey got shot down. And then he learned that you killed his parents and Steve knew. After that, you two proceeded to kick the shit out of him until he almost died up there in the cold. But no, Tony doesn’t have PTSD. Not at all. If it were up to me, you wouldn’t be here. I’d have beheaded you the minute you tried to step foot on the plane that brought you here.”

“So, what you’re saying is I’ve been prejudiced against Tony because I hate rich people?”

“Sure.” Keener snorts. “If that’s what you want to say. Now, you think long and hard on that, ok? If it changes your mind, don’t ever tell Tony I told you. He has no idea I even know half of that part of his life, and he probably would never tell you. He’d probably say he deserves the hate you’re shooting at him, but he doesn’t. Remember that.” He gets up and walks out. 

A few minutes later, the doctor comes in. “You look fine, just have a nasty headache. You’re free to go, but I recommend an Advil and a nice nap.”

“Thank you.” Bucky smiles at her and walks back to his room.  _ Have I been wrong about Stark this whole time? _ He decides he’s going to watch the billionaire a little more closely before making a new opinion.  _ I’m willing to change my opinion if I’ve been proven wrong. I’m not that kind of asshole. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, can we please just appreciate Harley Keener?


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky starts to notice things about Tony that he never cared to notice before

Bucky keeps his word. He stops causing trouble. When he is alone with Stark for arm maintenance, he apologizes for saying he didn’t have PTSD. “That was pretty insensitive of me. Who am I to judge what you’re feeling?” Stark had looked surprised that Bucky even expressed regret. 

“Well, ah, it-it’s ok Barnes. You’re forgiven.” The genius had stuttered. Bucky finds that weird.

Now, Stark is in the kitchen. He’s looking through all the New Avenger’s personal cabinets. Bucky hides, a little suspicious. What is Stark doing, going through everyone’s belongings? Does he feel like he has to control their lives? Tony pulls out a jar of peanut butter from RiRi’s cabinet. Seeing that it is almost gone, he reaches into the box on the counter in front of him and puts another jar in behind it. Bucky watches as Stark stocks up each cabinet. Now, he realizes what the billionaire is doing. Most of the people living at the Tower came from low income families. They feel weird asking Tony to buy them anything. So, he makes sure their cabinets are well-stocked. Peter often comes to him for help with homework. Any time the boy addresses Stark, no matter what the man is doing, he puts down his work and gives Peter his full attention. It’s clear that Stark loves the Spiderkid and treats him like a son. 

Noticing more and more how much Stark seems to personally care about each and every person in the tower, Bucky’s opinion begins to change rather quickly. He participates more and more in the game nights. Keener and Rhodes watch him closely, but he does nothing to make them speak out. 

Stark lets Bucky into the workshop now when Bucky has bad days. The amount of life down there helps Bucky focus and feel safe. He ends up asking the genius about some of his projects. Stark becomes Tony, and Barnes becomes James. Bucky can’t help but laugh at the face of the others when he and Tony walk into the game room snickering about some stupid joke Bucky found on the internet. No one comments at the time, but Rhodes pulls him aside when everyone goes off to bed, and Tony heads back down to his shop. 

“What’s happening here?” Rhodes asks conversationally. “What’s your angle with Tones?”

Keeping eye contact with Rhodes, Bucky answers honestly. “I had my eyes opened, and my opinion changed. Is it that hard to believe?” Rhodes looks skeptical, and Bucky keeps going. “I realized that his life hasn’t been all glitter and gold, okay? I found out that I had a prejudice against him, and I don’t know why. But I apologized to him, and I’m trying to make amends. Is that so terrible? Am I unforgivable?”

Rhodes' face softens. “No, you’re not unforgivable, but you do understand that I’m going to be a little suspicious at first, right? Most people don’t just do a 180 without a reason. I’m going to be watching you; he’s been hurt enough.”

“That’s understandable. Tony seems not used to kindness from most people. He welcomes it too easily sometimes.” Bucky nods. “And, please, call me Bucky or James. I feel like ‘Barnes’ is just kind of a hostile feeling.”

“Call me Jim.” Rhodes holds out a hand to shake. “Just remember that I’m watching you.”

~

Keener struts around like a peacock when he notices Bucky being nice to Tony. He won’t tell anyone why, except when he and Bucky are alone. “You owe me your life.” The boy says smartly. “I saved you from being brutally murdered by Rhodey.”

“Well, thank you for that.” Bucky replies dryly. A few weeks ago, he would have been completely annoyed with the kid, but now he understands it’s a nervous tic, much like Tony himself. 

“Since we’re ok now, am I reaching too far to ask you to call me Harley? I’m feeling like the whole ‘Keener’ ‘Barnes’ thing is a bit too cringey, ya know?”

Bucky grins and ruffles Harley’s hair. “Sure thing, short stack.”

“Old man.” Harley huffs and throws a Cheeto at him. To Harley’s horror, Bucky catches it in his mouth.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Trashy celebrity gossip site voice_ Could a friendship be starting between Bucky and Tony? More on Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 7   
> Title: I’ll Never Be Alright (So I’m Breaking the Habit)  
> Creator: Purple_ducky00  
> Rating: Mature  
> Warnings: Canon Typical Violence  
> Pair: Bucky/Tony eventually  
> Major Tags: Tony fans may want to physically harm Bucky at first  
> Bingo Squares: R2 - Date Night Tony Stark Bingo  
> Card Number: 4013  
> Summary: Could a friendship be starting between Bucky and Tony? More on Chapter 7  
> Word Count: 910 words  
> Link:

Bucky finds that he can relate with Tony on many levels. One, they both have severe PTSD that keeps them up at night. They both drink unholy amounts of coffee. When Harley and Peter both decide that Bucky needs to watch both Star Wars and Star Trek, he finds that he and Tony both prefer Star Wars. Due to spending much of his time in Tony’s workshop, Bucky will argue that classic and punk rock are the best genres of music. The kids laugh at him because he never actually listened to much else. Bucky was always interested in mechanics, even before the war. He ends up helping Tony with many projects, and Tony gifts him with some tools and materials as well. They quickly become good friends. 

Tony touches everyone. If he's not giving someone a hug, he's cuddling on the couch with Rhodey and/or Carol. If he's not tickling one of the younger ones, he has a hand on their shoulder, encouraging them. Bucky realizes that this is how Tony acts around Pepper as well, and he definitely judged Tony wrong in yet another aspect. He has a lot to learn, he supposes.

~

One day, the Avengers come back from a battle. Peter is hurt and in medical. The doctors have forced Tony out of the room and told him that they will contact him when it’s ok to visit Peter. May sits in the waiting room, but Tony can’t sit there. Bucky finds him sitting on the roof, drinking carbonated water. 

“You ok?”

Tony shrugs. “I’m ok, I guess. Every time one of them gets hurt, I just… I can’t deal with it. I want to drink, but I got sober, and I’m not falling back into it. I just can’t. I need the burn though, hence the carbonation.” He nods to his drink. 

“Pardon me for asking, but why do you let them in the field to begin with?” Bucky asks slowly. He knows this was a subject on which he seemed to disagree with Tony. These kids were kids and didn’t deserve to be put in harm’s way. 

“None of these kids were born with their powers. They all gained them against their will, except for RiRi. She built her own suit. But they all think that they have a responsibility to help. Pete once told me his late uncle had a saying. ‘With great power comes great responsibility’ or something like that. They were out fighting before I even heard of them, and none of them were wealthy enough for good protective gear. It started out with Peter; I never should have taken him to Germany, but I was at my wit’s end. Steve wasn’t listening to me, and I practically begged Ross to let us go get you guys. He was going to send in people to kill you all, and I didn’t want that. Peter was supposed to be on the outside, webbing people up only if needed. I never expected Steve to drop an airport ramp on him.”

“Yeah, Steve should have known he was a kid.” Bucky acknowledges. 

Tony nods and takes another drink. “I made him a new suit, then let him keep it. He then abused his privileges, and I took it away, afraid of him dying and my being inadvertently responsible for his death and thinking he’d just stop. He didn’t stop and ultimately saved some of my designs from being stolen. I realized that Peter would still be trying to be Spiderman with his old crappy suit. I gave him the suit I made for him back and just kept an eye on him. Then Kam and RiRi came along. They don’t live here; they all have families, but they know they are welcome here whenever.” Bucky can tell Tony loves these kids. 

“That’s a good thing you’re doing. You’re helping them be as safe as they can. Sometimes people get hurt, and there’s nothing we can do about it.” Bucky soothes. “You’re doing the best you can.”

“I know, Rhodey tells me that all the time, but… I just always feel like I should have done more. I’m a futurist; I should be able to be ahead of the villains.” Tony’s cell rings. It’s May. “Oh shit. Pete’s probably awake. See you later?” Bucky nods and Tony runs for the door, leaving his glass of club soda on the roof. Bucky wonders when Tony quit drinking. 

~ 

Tony takes them bowling. He rents out the alley for the entire day to keep the public eye off of them. Bucky never went bowling before, so Tony spends most of his time trying to teach him how to get a strike. 

After playing a game or two, Bucky gets the hang of it. It is embarrassing, however, when the teenagers get a much higher score than he. Peter shows him how he gets backspin, and RiRi gives him insight on the angles she uses. 

“How is this fun to you guys?” He finally throws his hands up in the air. “The whole thing is calculated, and I hate it! Why can’t you all just have fun without using your brain?”

“I used to ask Tony the same thing.” Rhodey mutters, and Tony laughs. 

Tony and the teenagers repeat on cue. “What’s the use of having a brain if you can’t win with it?” Rhodey rolls his eyes and looks at Bucky. 

“Sorry I asked.” The ex-assassin concedes.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just another day for Bucky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 8  
> Title: I’ll Never Be Alright (So I’m Breaking the Habit)  
> Creator: Purple_ducky00  
> Rating: Mature  
> Warnings: Canon Typical Violence  
> Pair: Bucky/Tony eventually  
> Major Tags: Tony fans may want to physically harm Bucky at first  
> Bingo Squares: S4 - Day-In-the-Life  
> Card Number: 4013  
> Summary: Just another day for Bucky  
> Word Count: 753 words  
> Link:

“So, you seem to have done a full 180 on Stark.” Avery observes during Bucky’s next session. “Any thoughts as to why?”

Bucky shifts in his seat. “I guess… I was an idiot. I made assumptions about things and never stopped to wonder if they were true. When Harley explained everything, I kind of kicked myself because everything fell into place. I’m just happy that Tony would forgive me.”

“Did you think he would not?”

  
  


“To be honest, I didn’t know, but I thought he deserved an apology from me. He’s a good guy.”

Avery leans forward. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I just want to make sure you’re not being manipulated. Are there any flaws of Stark that you can think of?”

“Yea, he’s fidgety. He doesn’t always know when to stop talking when he’s nervous, and he ends up coming off as offensive and grating. He doesn’t sleep as much as he should, and he is going to die of a caffeine overdose someday. He has a guilt complex, and he tries too hard to make things right. Oftentimes, he makes another mistake while trying to right something else. Avery, I know it seems like I’m just defending him now, but I see all the sides of him, the good and bad. And I think he’s worth it.”

Standing up, Avery extends their hand to Bucky. “I’m happy you made a new friend. You’ve been progressing a lot more lately, and the happier environment seems to be really helping. See you next week?”

“Sounds like a plan.” Bucky shakes their hand. “Thank you for listening, even if it is your job.”

~

Bucky leaves his therapy session and makes his way down to the shop. Tony is not there, so Bucky doesn’t stick around. He finds Carol and Jen chatting in the den. From the looks of it, Jessica Jones will be visiting soon. 

“Time for the badass ladies drinking club?” He asks.

“Yea, do you want to be a badass lady for a day? We need another adult to talk to, and Rhodey and Tony are not being adults right now.” Jen gestures to a holographic screen that shows Rhodey and Tony chasing each other with Silly String.

Carol senses his confusion. “Rhodey decided Tony was working too hard. He told him that if he found something fun to do, he would follow along to Tony’s plan. Apparently, acting like a thirteen-year-old is fun for them.”

“Hm… hey, everyone has different tastes.” Bucky shrugs, eyes twinkling. 

“And apparently mine is an 8th grader inside the body of a 50 year old.” Carol grumbles. “Want a beer?”

Bucky happily accepts. Jessica arrives two minutes later, and they all settle into an easy conversation, but Bucky’s mind keeps wandering to the pure joy on Tony’s face as he sprayed Silly String into Rhodey’s ear.  _ What can I do to make him smile like that? _

Beautiful art by actuallyitscaptain!

~

“Relax, Tones, I’m going on a short mission. I should be home by tomorrow night.” Rhodes sounds exasperated.

Tony won’t stop shoving the bag of carrots in Rhodey’s hand. “Carrots. You need them. Take them now.”

“What’s with the carrots?” Bucky wonders out loud. This has been the third or fourth time that Tony has shoved carrots into Rhodey’s grasp as he leaves for a mission. 

“Tony’s afraid of orange food.” Rhodey replies while Tony says, “Rhodey wants to embrace his city and feel like Gritty.” Of course, Gritty, the orange mascot for the Philadelphia Flyers was introduced about a week ago and broke Twitter for a day or so.

Rhodey hugs Tony, steps into the War Machine armor and flies off. Tony makes a tsk sound and walks out of the room. Bucky is left feeling confused. 

“The carrot thing?” Harley claps him on the back. “I knew it wouldn’t be long before you, too, fell victim. Tony always gives Rhodey carrots before a mission, and nobody knows why. Whenever someone asks them, both Rhodey and Tony will give you a different answer. And each answer is always completely different than an answer they have given anyone else.”

“Well, what did you get?”

Harley crosses his arms. “Rhodey told me that Tony thinks he’s a rabbit, and Tony said that if Rhodey doesn’t have a carrot, he’ll turn into Terrance Howard. I’m not sure what that means. But I’m going to get to the bottom of this if it’s the last thing I do.”

“You do that.” Bucky feigns disinterest, but he honestly wants to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **_Shoutout and kudos to[actuallyitscaptain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/actuallyitscaptain/works) for the amazing art!  
>  ** _Thanks to the WI Discord for the carrots! (You know who you are)_**_ **


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More moments in the life of one Bucky Barnes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 9  
> Title: I’ll Never Be Alright (So I’m Breaking the Habit)  
> Creator: Purple_ducky00  
> Rating: Mature  
> Warnings: Canon Typical Violence  
> Pair: Bucky/Tony eventually  
> Major Tags: Tony fans may want to physically harm Bucky at first  
> Square Filled: K4 - Dark Bucky Barnes Bingo  
> Summary: More moments in the life of one Bucky Barnes.   
> Word Count: 1012 words  
> Link:

“Can’t sleep?” Tony takes a seat beside him on the roof. 

Bucky smirks. “No, I’m just voluntarily pulling an all-nighter. You?”

“Can’t sleep.”

Bucky and Tony sit together quietly looking up at the sky. “I, I have nightmares about space.” Tony breaks the quiet. “What do you know about the battle of New York?”

“Nothing. When aren’t there battles in New York? Is there one called ‘The Battle’?” 

“Yea, the first one.” Tony leans his head on Bucky’s left shoulder. “The first time aliens attacked. The thing that started the Avengers. Steve and I didn’t like each other. Howard compared me to him, and then he told me I wasn’t worth it. It was funny how history repeats itself. Anyways, to prove him wrong, I flew a nuke through the portal from which the aliens. Almost died. Actually kind of did die. Hulk growled my heart back into motion. Anyways, what I saw up there? I couldn’t explain it. And there’s a strong power out there. One that could destroy us, but no one believes me. So I have to prepare on my own.”

“I believe you.” Bucky volunteers. 

Tony pats his back. “You don’t have to lie, it’s ok. It is a little out there.”

Fairly soon, Tony dozes off on Bucky’s shoulder. When he wakes up two hours later, he wanders off to a different place in the tower. Bucky remains on the roof. There’s something calming about the roof. It reminds him of his sniper days. He’s able to see so much of the city. Wondering if this is how Matt feels, he closes his eyes and listens. He can hear the subways rushing through the tunnels underground, the clink of the beer bottles at the bar down the street, and the light snores of the Tower’s occupants. He feels… serene. The next thing he knows, it is morning, and he’s still on the roof.

~

Shuri and T’Challa come to the Tower for a visit during their stay for UN meetings. Bucky introduces the princess to Harley, Peter, Kamala, and RiRi. As foreseen, the teenagers get along all too well. It’s not long before Shuri has Harley crawling through the vents to play practical jokes on the adults. 

Peter runs through the kitchen one day screaming “The floor is lava!” Bucky is confused at first, but it does amuse him to see not only the teenagers jumping onto high places to avoid the floor, but also the adults. T’Challa is on top of the refrigerator in a single leap. Jim steps on a chair boredly while Carol hovers over the floor. Tony jumps in the sink, and Jen vaults onto the table, leaving Bucky standing on the floor. They all look at him, and he quickly falls to the floor sighing, “Take me now.”

“No fair!” Peter yells. “Mr. Stark banned that action on September 26th, 2016. FRIDAY, read ‘The Floor is Lava Rule #24.”

_ Rule #24 – No giving yourself to the lava automatically. Try to escape if at all possible. _ FRIDAY’s tells them.

Bucky throws up his hands. “That was two years ago! How am I supposed to know that?”

“Shoulda read the rules.” Shuri swats at him. “Stop being a sore loser and get out of the lava. Come, join me on this counter. There’s room for two.”

Grumbling, Bucky gets up and joins Shuri on the counter. Everyone continues their prior conversations until Peter screeches. “Floor’s clear!” in which they all move back to their original sitting positions. Bucky shakes his head. Apparently, this happens enough that the adults just don’t even react.

Shuri, T’Challa, and Tony leave for their meeting, and Bucky settles in with Harley, RiRi, and Jessica Jones to watch a movie. It hits him just how awesome his life has been since he got his head out of his ass. He can’t believe he didn’t even try to find out the truth. This group of superheroes has become his family, and honestly, he wouldn’t have it any other way. Well, if Steve could be here, he’d like that, but Steve made a choice, and now Steve is dealing with the consequences of it. 

Bucky doesn’t really watch the movie; instead he kind of just… reflects. He doesn’t even notice when the movie is over. I should call Steve tonight. Bucky thinks It’s been awhile since I’ve done that.

“Hey Barnes.” Jones’ face appears less than a foot from his. “We’re going out drinking. Want to come?” 

“Who’s we?” Jessica rolls her eyes. “Luke, Matt, Foggy, Elektra, and I. You in?”

Nodding, Bucky pulls himself off the couch and slips on his shoes and a jacket. They’re probably going to Josie’s anyways. Matt and Foggy get them free drinks no matter how many times Bucky has tried to pay for his. 

When the small group finds an empty table and each gets a drink, Jones rocks back in her chair and smirks. “So, how’s it going with you and Stark?”

“Um, what do you mean?” Bucky is confused. “We’re doing fine. Didn’t I tell you? Harley filled me on about Tony’s backstory, and we had a talk and worked it all out. We’re pretty good friends now.”

“You’re not dating and/or hooking up?” Jessica plops her chair back down and leans forward. “You’re not dating and/or hooking up.” She repeats skeptically. “I don’t believe it.”

“He’s telling the truth,” Matt comments quietly. He’s leaning on Elektra. 

Jessica shakes her head. “I could have sworn.”

Truthfully, Tony and Bucky have not been doing anything of the sort, but Jessica’s question definitely planted a seed in Bucky’s mind.  _ Do I want to date Tony? He never even thought of it. Am I even gay? _ He never really thought of that, either, not since HYDRA. He pushes the thought to the back of his mind and focuses on now, focuses on drinking and having a good time with his friends. After making sure the others get home safely, he strolls back to the Tower to take a nap. Day drinking is always fun.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky receives some exciting news!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 10  
> Title: I’ll Never Be Alright (So I’m Breaking the Habit)  
> Creator: Purple_ducky00  
> Rating: Mature  
> Warnings: Canon Typical Violence  
> Pair: Bucky/Tony eventually  
> Major Tags: Tony fans may want to physically harm Bucky at first  
> Summary: Bucky receives some exciting news!  
> Word Count: 964 words  
> Link:

When he wakes up, FRIDAY asks him to go down to the living room. There’s some news for him. Bucky rubs his eyes blearily and heads down without bothering about his hair sticking up wildly. T’Challa, Shuri, and Tony are sitting in the room. Bucky’s eyes land on Tony, and he immediately thinks of Jessica’s question. He quickly looks away. “FRIDAY says you have news?”

“The Accords has decided to give a full pardon to any of the Rogues who wants to come back as long as they sign the Accords and follow a few safety guidelines.” T’Challa speaks up.

Does that mean… they can come home? Bucky’s eyes widen. “This is true?” He asks Shuri and Tony wildly. Tony nods as Shuri hugs him.

“It’s true, White Wolf. Isn’t it amazing?”

From the corner of his eye, he sees Tony deflate a tiny bit. Most people wouldn’t even notice, but he has studied the man. Bringing the Rogues back might hurt Tony. “I guess… unless they only cause problems. I hope you didn’t do this for me.”

“We voted for it for several reasons.” Tony smiles at him encouragingly. “You don’t have to feel guilty to want to see your friends in the flesh again.”

Bucky wants to say something but an emotion that he can’t quite describe flashing across Tony’s eyes stops him. “Well, thank you. I do appreciate it, even if it wasn’t for me.” Shuri pulls him off to some place, and he has no choice but to follow.

~

Later that night, Bucky calls Steve using an untraceable phone. “Hey Steve.”

“Bucky! It’s good to hear your voice! How have you been?”

  
“I’m doing pretty well. When was the last time I talked to you? I got my head out of my ass before then, right?” Bucky grins ruefully.

He can hear the regret in Steve’s voice. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that Buck. I guess I just thought you knew.”

“Not your fault Steve. I should have tried to find out the whole story, but you know…” He trails off. “So how are you? What’s new?” He doesn’t know if they’d been informed of their deal yet.

“Eh, not much. More of the same old, same old. I’d like to say there’s an end in sight, but I don’t want to lie.” Steve sounds so morose. “But it’s a choice I made, and I have to deal with the consequences, good or bad.”

Bucky talks with Steve for the next half-hour or so until Steve tells him that he has to go. When Bucky hangs up, he knows he has mixed feelings about the Council’s decision. On one hand, he misses Steve like the dickens. On the other hand, Tony has been doing so well with nightmares. He doesn’t want them to start up again.

Instead of sleeping that night, he goes down to the workshop but Tony’s not there. Bucky checks the roof and all of the places Tony has claimed as a haven, but the genius is nowhere to be found. “FRI, have you seen Tony?” He asks.

_I am not at liberty to give you that information._ FRIDAY answers him. _I’m sorry, Sergeant._

“Don’t worry about it.” Bucky takes to walking every floor on the tower. He knows he won’t be able to sleep on a night like this without seeing Tony first. Somewhere near floor number 50, he notices the rooms are more decorated. One floor is painted a hideous purple, another is a simple design, but it definitely looks like a woman’s touch. The next floor up is painted with soothing pastels. There are a lot of plants growing here, and on one wall is a case of tiny glass figurines. The next floor has decorations made of gold. There is writing on the wall made from ancient runes and a little bed sitting on the end table next to a gigantic bed. Bucky finds Tony on the next floor up, sitting on the couch in the foyer. Much of the decoration on this floor is newspaper clippings from the 1940’s. Bucky realizes these floors once belonged to the old Avengers, and Tony is sitting in Steve’s room.

“Hey, are you ok?” Bucky asks quietly so as to not startle the man.

Tony’s head shoots up. “Yeah, I’m good. I just… figured…” His voice trails off as his throat closes. As if shaking himself from a trance, the genius sits up straight. “They’re going to be home soon, so I figured I’d make sure their rooms are good. Sam and Wanda will have to get new stuff since theirs are at the Compound which blew up a good time back. Wasn’t my fault.” He attempts at humor.

“Tony, if them coming back hurts you, why did you vote for them to come back?”

“It doesn’t hurt me!” Tony insists. Bucky gives him a disbelieving look. “Ok, maybe it does a little. But it’s beside the point. This doesn’t revolve around me, and I’m a big boy. I’ll move past it. Besides, you shouldn’t worry about me. Steve’s coming back! Be happy!”

“You shouldn’t have to pay for them if you don’t want to. The UN has money; let them.”

“No, you said it yourself before. I shouldn’t be holding a grudge because they hurt my feelings by disagreeing with me.” Tony shakes his head. “I’m fine with it, and you should be, too. Seriously, you’re acting worse than Rhodey right now.”

He gets up from the sofa and walks with Bucky towards the door. Bucky notices that Tony takes another look back at Steve’s room. His heart sinks when he realizes that Tony has feelings for Steve even after their huge disagreement. He’ll never be able to compete with Steve; he won’t even want to.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Return of the Rogues… and the Repression of Bucky’s feelings

After a few months of hemming and hawing, the Rogue Avengers return. Steve hugs Bucky first, then walks over to Tony. “I am so so so sorry, Tony. If you never forgive me, I understand.”

Tony pulls Steve into a hug. “Don’t ever do something like that again, and you’re forgiven.”

“Understood. Have you been taking care of Buck here?” Steve turns back to Bucky, scanning him. “He looks like he’s doing good.”

“I hope he’s been doing good. I’ve been pulling out all the stops. Even took him bowling.” Tony winks.

Gasping, Steve reaches out and lightly touches Bucky’s arm. “Oh, you’re special. Tony doesn’t take just anyone bowling.” Bucky gives him a confused look, and Steve gives him one of those stupid dudebro nods. “He have to teach you?”

“Of course I did – just like I taught you. Now, I’ll leave you both to catch up. I have more welcoming to do.”

Bucky and Steve watch as Tony greets Sam, Clint, and Scott. “He’s really something else, isn’t he?” Steve grins. Bucky nods; what else can he do? 

Sam walks over to them. “Hey, grumpy. How’s life in the Tower?” He greets Bucky, clapping him on the back.

“I was fine til you came home.” Bucky shoots back. He honestly enjoys Sam. Sam was one of the first people to not treat him with kid gloves. When Steve saw how quickly Bucky responded to Sam’s ribbing, he started roughhousing as well. This was a blessing for Bucky because he didn’t know how much longer he could stand being babied by Steve. 

~

Barton does not come back to the Tower immediately. He goes back to the farm to see his family first, then visits the team about a month later. The first thing he does is thank Tony for all he did to get them back. “I really missed my family, you know? And I’m sorry, Tony, for the back-breaking comment on the RAFT. It was uncalled for.” 

As normal, Tony waves him off. “Things get said in the heat of the moment. And really, you should thank King and Princess Kitty. They have more sway than me.”

Lang isn’t around much. He was never really a part of the Avengers, so he doesn’t have much of a reason to hang about. Tony invites him to come whenever he wants. The few times he does visit, he brings his daughter Cassie and/or his girlfriend Hope van Dyne. Hope and Tony clash at the beginning, but they quickly realize that just because their fathers had beef, it doesn’t mean they need to as well. Once they figured that out, they became fast friends. Bucky jokes that most of Tony’s friends are women who could kill him with little to no effort at all. Tony agrees. 

Natalia returns later than the rest of them. She tells them that she had some family matters to which she had to attend. She apologizes to betraying Tony and thanks him for bringing her back. “I know it’ll take awhile for you to trust me again, if you ever decide to. I’m just going to do my best to make it up to you.” Tony just gives her a hug.

Wanda does not return. Steve says they lost contact with her about a year ago. A few months after the pardons go out, Tony gets a coded message through FRIDAY. Wanda and Vision are living in Scotland, undetected. They rather enjoy their lives right now and would prefer to stay away. Wanda apologizes for all the pain she’s caused. Vision makes sure to let them know that they can return at any time if they are needed. Tony is the only one with their address. He sends them back a message telling them to live their lives. Only in a world-ending crisis will he contact them to come back; however, they are welcome at any time. Bucky only knows this because Tony tells him the one night they are sitting on the roof during a sleepless night. 

It seems the team is back together with a number of additional members. Each person gets their own therapist, to whom they are greatly encouraged to talk. Team building exercises and nights are brought back to the table, and everyone seems to get along.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again, Bucky is operating under misinformation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 12  
> Title: I’ll Never Be Alright (So I’m Breaking the Habit)  
> Creator: Purple_ducky00  
> Rating: Mature  
> Warnings: Canon Typical Violence  
> Pair: Bucky/Tony eventually  
> Major Tags: Tony fans may want to physically harm Bucky at first  
> Summary: Once again, Bucky is operating under misinformation.  
> Word Count: 999 words  
> Link:

Steve and Tony seem to have made up. Bucky is happy for them, really, he is. Steve spends a lot of time in the shop. Tony sleeps better, which decreases the number of sleepless nights he spends on the roof with Bucky. This doesn’t stop Bucky from sitting on the roof all night, but the nights seem to last a lot longer now. Bucky wants to break down and scream and cry, but it won’t help anything. Ever the best friend, he would never do anything that would harm Steve and Tony’s relationship. Even if it left a big gaping hole in his chest that would never be filled. He’s lived through the other pain, he can live through this, right?

Living his life on the outside, Bucky finds himself watching Tony more than he’d like to admit. Tony is happy, so happy. He knows he could never give that happiness to the genius. “…ucky. Bucky?” Breaking out of his mullings, he notices Tony standing in front of him, eyes sparkling. 

“Oh, I’m sorry. What did you say?” He stumbles around the words. 

Laughing, Tony asks again. “What sounds good for dinner?” 

“Oh, um, I don’t know, something spicy?” Bucky doesn’t even know what he’s saying. 

“Take out from La Contenta it is!” Tony bumps his shoulder and spins, pulling out his phone to place an order. Bucky just watches him go. How could anyone not fall in love with this man?

~

“You know, I won’t be mad if you guys date.” Jim says out of the blue one day, leaning against Bucky’s counter. 

Bucky chokes on his coffee. “Excuse me?”

“You and Tony. The UST is off the charts, man. No one’s going to be surprised when you both give up and fuck or whatever. Just make it sooner than later and spare us the discomfort.”

“The discomfort?” Bucky raises an eyebrow and takes another sip of coffee. "Also, what the fuck is UST?"

Jim rolls his eyes. “Unresolved Sexual Tension, and it’s getting really annoying. Do something about it.” Bucky wonders if Jim just prefers him to Steve and would like to change Bucky’s mind. He won’t do that. He can’t, not to Steve.

After finishing and refilling his coffee while filling another mug for Tony, Bucky heads down to Tony’s shop where he’s working on the engine of his new motorcycle, built from scratch. When he gets down there, Steve is sitting next to Tony on the sofa talking quietly. Bucky sets down the mug on Tony’s table and moves over to his side of the shop. They can talk all they want; he’ll just focus on his work. Plugging in earphones, he zones in on the engine and doesn’t look up until a pair of hideous green socks step into his view. Looking up, he sees Tony staring down at him. He pulls out an earplug. 

“Geez Terminator. How loud is your music? I’ve been trying to talk to you for ten minutes here.” Tony grins. 

“Oh. Sorry.”

“No worries, just wanted to check in. You good? Want or need any help?” 

Bucky smiles up at him. “Nope, I think I’m good. Thank you, though.” They work in companionable silence for a while. Then he asks. “Steve need anything important?”

“No, he just wanted to talk about you maybe going into the field. I told him to talk to you about it first. Nothing good comes out of trying to make plans for someone when they don’t know. Don’t be surprised if he corners you the second you walk out of here.” Tony winks. “Don’t worry; I’m sure he goes to you or Sam with all of his non-Avengers important stuff.”

Bucky wonders why he’d say that, being that Tony and Steve are together. He just shrugs and goes back to work, stopping only when his stomach growls hours later. When he looks up, Tony is gone. Bucky shrugs and puts away his tools. It’s time to eat. 

Walking to the kitchen, he sees Steve and Sam in the hallway standing rather close. Sam says something and Steve nods. He pulls Sam closer and kisses him on the lips before turning to walk down the hall. How could he do this to Tony? Bucky growls and, before he knows it, has Steve pinned to the wall. 

“Ow, Buck, what the hell?” Steve whines.

“What the hell is right. Why are you doing this to your boyfriend?”

Steve looks at him weirdly. “Because that’s what boyfriends do to each other?”

“They cheat on the other by kissing someone else?” Bucky snorts.

Sam steps forward. “Excuse me, what? Who else have you been kissing, Steve?”

“You don’t get to ask that.” Bucky glares at him. “You’re the other guy.”

Steve looks at Bucky curiously. “Bucky, who do you think I’m dating?”

“Think? Think? You’re dating Tony. Why do you think I haven’t made a move on him yet?”

“Bucky… I’m not dating Tony. Why do you think I’m dating Tony?”

“Don’t do this, Steve. Tony doesn’t need any more problems. You can’t act like you’re not dating him so Sam feels better. He loves you, and you…” Bucky’s breathing grows ragged as memories flood into his brain. Tony looking sad when Bucky hops off the couch, saying he’ll find Steve for Tony. The electric feeling on Bucky’s skin whenever Tony touches him. Jim telling Bucky to just ask Tony out many, many times. He knows he’s hyperventilating. 

Steve touches his shoulder. “Bucky? Are you ok?”

He shakes his head. “Stop lying. Stop it. You knew I thought you liked Tony. You know how much I fucking love him. Stop teasing me with him like I can have him. You know I can’t, and it’s not fair. It’s not fair that his heart belongs to a cheating bastard who doesn’t realize what he has!” Bucky shoves Steve and runs up the stairs to his floor, not noticing Tony in the doorway of the kitchen, two plates in hand. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yea… Misunderstandings are often a big part of my fics. Believe me, there’s a pattern


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Communication is key to ensuing fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: I’ll Never Be Alright (So I’m Breaking the Habit)  
> Creator: Purple_ducky00  
> Rating: Mature  
> Warnings: Canon Typical Violence  
> Pair: Bucky/Tony eventually  
> Major Tags: Tony fans may want to physically harm Bucky at first  
> Bingo Squares: Y5 - Sharing Clothes Bucky Barnes Bingo  
> Summary: Communication is key to ensuing fluff  
> Word Count: 852 words  
> Link:

“What happened here?” Tony asks. 

“He thinks we’re dating. Go to him; help him understand.” Steve points with his chin. “He’s probably hiding in his room.”

Bucky is, in fact, in his room when Tony knocks on the door. “James, you there? I got food for you. Can I come in?”

Waiting a few minutes before Tony knocks again, Bucky finally answers the door. “Come in.” 

Tony walks in and sets a plate in front of Bucky. He then sits at the counter and starts eating from his own plate. Bucky refuses to look at the genius while he shovels the food into his mouth. Maybe if he eats faster, Tony will leave faster. He finishes in record time while Tony has half a plate left. Not wanting to be rude, Bucky sits there until Tony is done eating. 

Wiping his mouth with a paper napkin, Tony balls it up and drops the paper on his plate. “So, I overheard you and Steve in the hallway.” Of course, he has to bring it up. “I’m sorry, I really thought that you knew that Steve and Sam were dating. I never imagined that you thought Steve and I…”

“But he broke your heart, right? He rejected you because he and Sam got together while they were outlaws?”

“No James. I don’t like Steve, and I never did, save that one year when I discovered my sexuality, but he wasn’t the reason. No, not at all. But my dad did have paintings and photos of him all over the mansion. It was kind of creepy. But you know. Whatever. James, I like you. I actually think it’s safe to say that I love you.” Bucky’s head shoots up. Tony winces. “Is that creepy? I just feel like I know you… why are you looking at me like that? Do you want me to stop? I’ll stop…” Tony trails off when Bucky stares at him.

Bucky gestures his fingers in a circle. “Hold up. What did you say? You… love me?”

“Yea… should I try to stop? I know I can be a bit too much. Mff-” Bucky cuts off Tony’s rambling by placing a hand over his mouth. Tony licks him. 

Shaking his hand, Bucky grimaces. “Ew, Tony, that’s nasty! Now, let me talk. Do you know how many times I stopped myself from overly flirting with you? From asking to kiss you? From telling you to lay your head down in my lap? All because I thought you and Steve were dating! When he came back, you two were spending a lot of time together, talking quietly. And remember I found you in his room before they came back? You looked like you missed him and couldn’t wait til he came back. You looked like you loved him. Now you’re telling me you never loved him, and you love me? How can I believe that?” He puts his head in his hands. 

“Because it’s true. Hey, James, look at me.” Tony places a hand on his shoulder. Bucky looks up. “I was in Steve’s apartment that day because I was feeling a mix of emotions. I liked you back then, and I thought I was going to lose your companionship because you’d want to spend all your time with Steve. And I didn’t blame you. If Rhodey had been gone for two years, I’d spend every waking moment with him if I could. Then you stuck around, and I hoped you maybe liked me back… until you kept bringing up Steve. So, I didn’t know what to think. Now I’m kicking myself because I now hear that I could have had you so long ago. What do you think?”

Smiling softly, Bucky reaches for Tony. “How about we let the past be in the past and take advantage of the now?” 

“Sounds good to me.” Tony leans in and kisses Bucky. Bucky decides that maybe today isn’t so bad after all. 

~

Everyone is happy that Tony and Bucky are together. Rhodey sighs with relief that he no longer has to deal with the UST. The Defenders fork over $20 each to Matt who grins. Carol and Jen ask for ‘details’ and Sam and Steve groan and cover their ears. 

“Can we start calling you Daddio?” Harley asks. Bucky rolls his eyes. 

Pretty soon, the sighs of relief become groans and complaints of “get a room” and “come on, this is the communal area”. Shuri likes to tell Bucky that she knew they’d get together despite all of Bucky’s original misgivings. 

It hasn’t been a month, and Bucky has already moved into Tony’s penthouse. When Tony is away on business, Bucky can’t sleep. He wanders the tower at night, taking comfort in all of Tony’s secret hidey holes: the shop, the roof, the big closet at the end of Rhodey’s hall, and the hidden blanket fort in the basement right by the server room. He doesn’t sleep, but he rests feeling Tony’s presence. Tony tells him that he wears Bucky’s clothes when Bucky is away on a mission. They find their ways to cope. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Ducky-patented angst before a happy ending :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: I’ll Never Be Alright (So I’m Breaking the Habit)  
> Creator: Purple_ducky00  
> Rating: Mature  
> Warnings: Canon Typical Violence  
> Pair: Bucky/Tony eventually  
> Major Tags: Tony fans may want to physically harm Bucky at first  
> Summary: Some Ducky-patented angst before a happy ending :)   
> Word Count: 729 words  
> Link:

Dr. Doom attacks New York and brings his advanced bots to play this time. A battle that was supposed to be quick and easy turns into a 6 hour battle. Natalia breaks her leg, and Sam is grounded when his wings are torn off. Bucky is sniping, but he joins the battle when the Doombots are picking off the ground soldiers left and right. Tony and Rhodey are doing their best keeping the bots under control. Carol blasts the unending streams of bots as they come, but everyone is getting tired. 

Doom flies out and starts his long speech about what he will do when he finally wins. Kamala screams in pain when a bot lands on her. Peter swings in to push the bot off, but the arm grabs his leg and throws him across the way. Bucky runs in, guns blazing, and shoots the bot off of the young girl. 

“Everybody get back!” Tony yells. “I can take care of this.” When he’s sure that everyone is out of the blast range, he overloads his reactor and uses his suit as a conductor, disintegrating his suit and all the Doombots around. Tony falls to the ground, unconscious. 

Realizing that he has no bots for backup, Doom quickly leaves. Bucky races to Tony’s prone form. He’s barely breathing, badly burnt. “He’s not breathing! We need a medic!” He screams. 

Rhodey lands and exits his suit. He must not feel a pulse because he begins CPR on his best friend. When Tony starts to breathe, but doesn’t wake up, the colonel gets back in his suit, picks up Tony, and flies back to the tower. Helen Cho is called; her ETA is twenty minutes. 

She arrives and locks down the surgery room, not allowing anyone in there. Bucky and Rhodey sit in the waiting room and do not move until she comes out, hours later, saying. “He’s going to be ok. He’s in an induced coma to help the healing, but he’ll be ok.” 

“Thank you. Thank you.” Bucky grasps her hands as he cries. “Thank you so much.”

“You can go in and see him, but I’d suggest showering first. You don’t want him waking up to you smelling like a dumpster.” Dr. Cho wrinkles her nose. 

Smelling himself, Bucky nods, looking sheepish. “Thank you, Dr. Cho. Thank you so, so much.” Rhodey echoes his sentiments, shaking her hand. 

It’s not too long before Bucky is sitting beside Tony’s bed, waiting until he wakes up. Rhodey, Harley, Pepper, Peter, and Happy take their turns sitting with Bucky, but Bucky refuses to leave. He won’t leave Tony, not for increments longer than twenty minutes when he showers and changes.

Bucky is half asleep on the edge of Tony’s bed when Tony stirs. The genius stretches, hisses in pain, stays stock-still for a few seconds, then relaxes. Putting a hand in Bucky’s unkempt hair, he rasps out. “Hi Bucky.”

Sitting up with a start, Bucky looks down at Tony. He caresses the injured man’s face with his flesh hand. “Hey, love. How are you feeling?” He snorts when Tony puts his thumb and pointer finger together to make the “A-ok” sign. Grabbing his water bottle, he gives Tony a few sips. “You scared me. I thought you were dead.” Tony opens his mouth to speak, but Bucky puts a finger on his lips. “Let me finish. I went over the battle again and again in my mind, and I know why you felt you had to do it. And I know you ran all the odds in your head. And you know what you’re doing, but I don’t want to lose you. I love you, Tony. I know you can’t promise that you’ll never do that again because that’s just who you are, but can you promise me to be careful? Even if you think your life doesn’t matter, please know that it matters to me and the rest of the team, ok?”

Tony nods, tears coming to his eyes. “I think I can promise that, as long as you can as well.” He whispers. “I love you, too, you know.”

Bucky pulls him into an embrace and climbs into the bed beside him. When the others come to visit and see the scene before them, they decide to come back at a later, less private time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading! I appreciate it!


End file.
